I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
