They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
