It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
