I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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