i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
