I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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