Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
