Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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