i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
