So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
