Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
