I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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