Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
