I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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