Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
