we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
