a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize
