yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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