I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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