Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
