Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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