I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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