I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
