Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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