it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
