I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
