so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
