Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
