I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
