She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
