glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
