just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
