So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
