TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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