I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
