Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
