how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Blood and glitter go together right?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
