How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Floor bacon is actually really good
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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