Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
