You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
