just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I need to sanitize my soul.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
