i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
