who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
