Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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