thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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