drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
