So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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