Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
