if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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