Your face is a jimmy john
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
In America we eat man semen.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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