I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
