Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
