So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
