Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
