I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
