I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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